Advice & Love for Others- Not For You

by shelikeslovesis

I just want to share an important realization I had this morning at like, 6:30AM, right after my manfriend left for work.

A little less than two years ago, I asked who was once a close friend for advice. I asked her things like how she knew she loved her boyfriend. She told me that if I had to ask, I probably wasn’t in love.

I have come to learn that for some, she was possibly not wrong. That advice, however, was very wrong for me. Still, I took it and took faith in it and I have realized just now, almost two years later, that I have been mislead. This isn’t really her fault, because that is how she viewed thing through her lens of life. Still, this advice I think has made my perception of my relationship a lot more critical than it has had to be. Not anyone’s fault, but still the trouble lies.

The reason why this advice was a wrong fit for me was realized after I looked at her life growing up, and mine. Her family and upbringing generally seemed more loving and free, so I feel she had a better general idea of what love was and what it felt like.

I didn’t have it the same way. My family’s methods were and still are questionable. I only just got close to my now-seventeen year old sister in the last five or six years. My relationship with my own brother needs work and I struggle to be with my parents when I am around them. I had a very controlled life growing up as a child and then even more so as a teen. It was still controlled when I was in university. The people who said they loved me did, but had a very strange way showing it.

This is why my old friend’s advice did not apply. I cannot speak for her but it seemed that she knew what love looked like, so she was able to say “If you have to ask, you probably aren’t in love.” What of the person who doesn’t know what that look like?

Moral of the story:

1. Be careful- both critical and open- to the advice you ask for and receive. Even if it comes from someone you once held highly- think about what they say.

2. Be careful with the advice you give. It would be best to put a disclaimer on it, as a reminder to the advice-taker. “This is just the way I see things, man. It could be different for you.”

3. Love is not the same for every person. Even with this, I wish you all the best in maintaining the relationships you have or finding the ones you dream of. ❤

All the best,

JEN! 🙂